Put your chicken suit back on and get the hell out of my bed

So I went out with a girl from my hostel on Halloween, and after one overpriced drink at the hostel bar, we spent the rest of the night wandering around Sydney, trying to find a bar that was neither totally empty nor filled with wasted gap year kids. Unsuccessful, we finally gave up and called it a night around 1.30. At that point, I was really, really sick of drunk people, and I figured I'd just read a bit and then go to sleep.
I go back to my 10-person dorm room and quietly make my way over to my bottom bunk by the light of my cell phone. Except when I get to my bed, someone is in it. There's a shirtless guy who is definitely not from our room in my bed - head on my pillow, sleeping under my blanket.
"Hey," I whisper, shaking his arm.
Nothing.
"Hey, wake up, " I say, shaking his arm harder.
A little grunting but no eye opening.
"Hey!" I yell, shaking his face.
Eyes still closed.
By now, the people in the bunks around me are waking up and asking what's going on. After confirming that the guy is definitely not from our room, the British girl in the next bunk (who was SO SIMILAR to the "More beef?" girl, Mgalla and Willie) says, "Just drag him out. Drag him out of your bed. You want me to come do it? I'll get him out." I tell her I got it, grab his wrists, and drag him out of my bed. He protests a little but still doesn't open his eyes and falls out of the bed like a sack of potatoes. At which point, we discover he's naked. So now, instead of a drunk, naked man passed out IN my bed, there's a drunk, naked man passed out on the floor next to my bed. British girl pours water on his head from her top bunk, and he barely even moves.
Not wanting anything else to do with this guy, I decide it's not my responsibility to drag him out of the room, so I go down to reception. Unfortunately, the only person working at the reception desk overnight turns out to be a 90-pound Indian man, which I think will not bode well for the situation at hand. Luckily, said reception man is able to grab a couple of bouncers from the downstairs bar. After the bouncers come to the room, turn on the lights, yell at the drunk, naked guy, pour some more water on his head, drag him a little bit more, and block a swing from him, they finally get him sitting upright on the floor in the middle of the room, covered in a blanket. But they aren't allowed to bring him down to the lobby or throw him out without any clothes. After he is repeatedly unable to tell them where his clothes are, we take a closer look around the room and decide his clothes must be the ones on the floor next to the bed across the room, where some girl is passed out, so passed out that she hasn't woken up yet, despite the lights being on and the bouncers yelling and the near-fighting. And it's Halloween, so what are his clothes?
A chicken suit.
I change my sheets and finally get to sleep at about 2.30. The next morning, I'm in the elevator, and this massive cloud that reeks of stale alcohol gets on the elevator, followed by the passed-out girl from last night and her friend. Having no idea who I am, she turns to her friend during the one-flight ride and asks, "But where's Steve?!?"

Brief life update: AV came to Thailand (AWESOME, minus the brief food poisoning), I had a stopover in Kuala Lumpur (very cool), I did New Zealand Road Rules with Madre (indescribably AWESOME and we didn't hit anything), and I've been in Australia now for almost 2 weeks (also great, went to Sydney and the Blue Mountains and am now at a friend's house in Canberra). Laptop got sent home with Madre, so I don't have any of my pics to post.
Future plans: Melbourne on Tuesday, London on the 19th, home on the 23rd!